Where do I even begin? I’ve sat down here at least a dozen times trying to figure out what to write. And I’ve failed a dozen times.
My last post on here was February 16. A lot has happened since then.
Mom made the decision to enter hospise on March 18. She passed away March 26. I still can’t believe how quickly she went.
I continued to train for my sub-2 hour attempt. I ran a 2:01:50 on May 19 at the Bill Snyder Highway Half. So close and yet still so far away. I ran with my mini necklace urn in my pocket. Mom was with me.
On May 20, our treadmill broke AND Runner Boy and I were in a car accident. The car was totaled and I broke the middle metacarpal bone in my left hand. I had surgery on the 21st. Runner Boy was fine…thank goodness.
I was in a cast for 5 weeks with pins in my hand for 4 of those weeks. My coach gave me a slow build for my half in October. I was able to run with cast, but it was gross and I hated it.
I have a new car. No cast on my hand. Summer reading is almost over at work. I’m back training at a moderate level. Our treadmill is still broken, but I’m getting up a little earlier and driving into our small town to make laps around the neighborhoods. It’s making me stronger.
I miss Mom. She’s with me all the time. I feel her in a sudden breeze across my legs when I’m running. I see her in the sunrise during my runs. And the sunsets out my kitchen window when I do dishes.
Life goes on. Even if the thought of living the rest of it without her is suffocating. I’m going to start writing again. I need to get back on track with so many things. This is my start.
This morning I woke up. I stumbled into the kitchen and made coffee. Caribou…her favorite. I took a deep breath. I can’t smell coffee without thinking about her.
I watched the sunrise on this beautiful partly cloudy Kansas day. I didn’t take a picture. I tried to ignore the catch in my throat when I regretted not taking a picture.
I got dressed. I put on my purple Oiselle Story shirt. She loved Oiselle. She loved being a mother runner. I paired the shirt with Old Navy boyfriend jeans…she lived in them. I bought my first pair after she was gone.
I drove to my hand appointment and listened to Brad Paisley’s “When I Get Where I’m Going.” She played it for us in her hospital room on the last good day. When I miss her, I listen to it. I listen to it a lot.
3 months without her voice. Without her smile. Without her. I miss her. But I’m surviving. I’m living for her because she would expect nothing less.
I love you, Mama.
It’s been one month since…
…we’ve seen her smile.
…we’ve heard her laugh.
…we’ve held her hands.
…we’ve kissed her cheek.
I miss you, Mom.
Does it get easier? Yes and no. I miss her. All the time. I want to call her…text her…ask her for advice.
All my IG posts have one less like. And my IG feed has one less sunrise/sunset picture every day.
The very thought of living the next 30 years without her is suffocating. I didn’t think this would happen. I didn’t think my beautiful family would have to deal with a void such as this.
But we are ok. She’d want us to be ok. She wouldn’t want us to wallow. She’d want us to look at the sunrise and smile and blow her a kiss.
I love you, Mom.
For those of you who don’t know, I eat mostly vegan. I am not a strict vegan, and more importantly I am not vegan for an ethical reason or because I am making a choice not to eat animals. Several years ago, I discovered I was VERY lactose intolerant. I learned from reading food nutrition labels that anything labeled “vegan” was safe for me to eat since it doesn’t have dairy. In discovering alternatives to cheese and milk, I discovered many other yummy vegan options. I started eating more vegan and feeling better gut-wise.
I used to have an issue with a lot of endurance nutrition products, but lately it seems like many of the big companies are making the move to vegan, recognizing that dairy products during endurance events are a no-no for everyone.
Long story short…I tried a GU for the first time in a couple of years. And now I have a new favorite thing.
I LOVE s’mores and this totally hit the spot. Although, I usually make s’mores with Justin’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I mean…is there any better way? GU…make peanut butter s’mores flavored gels, m’kay?
Big exciting news! I got up early before work and ran on BOTH Thursday and Friday. I can’t even tell you the last time that happened. Now, let’s just hope I can continue this 5-running-days-a-week trend.
We head to Pitt State this weekend for Runner Boy’s indoor track nationals races. He’s running the 3200 and the mile. He hasn’t had a good race in a while. Darn race anxiety!
Biggest week of 2018 so far! 24.5 miles. And it only goes up from here, with the exception of the much needed regeneration week coach has scheduled next week. I like the term “regeneration” instead of recovery. No long run this coming weekend, but I do need to adjust my schedule to 5 days of running instead of 4.
Monday, February 5 – Easy 4 – 38:14 (9:33)
The easier runs are getting faster.
Tuesday, February 6 – Rest
Wednesday, February 7 – 6×1000 – 59:28 (9:09)
Whew! It’s been a long time since I’ve done 1000s. Coach called for 10K pace, so I pushed 7.0 on the treadmill.
Thursday, February 8 – Rest
Friday, February 9 – Easy 5 – 48:03 (9:37)
It’s hard to wake up early enough to get 5 in before work. But I never regret it!
Saturday, February 10 – Long Run 9 – 1:22:54 (9:13)
The last mile needed to be under 9:00, but I’m an overachiever, so I managed to get the last 2 miles under 9:00 with an 8:44 and 8:38. WEE! This run felt fantastic…comfortably hard…my legs felt STRONG.
Sunday, February 11 – Rest
I should have done yoga, but I didn’t wake up sore or stiff.
I wrote out the next month of training into my journal. I’ve got some BIG HARD workouts ahead of me. Good thing I like to…
Things I thought about on my run this morning.
6×1000 this morning. I kind of like 1000s. They are like a short, fast tempo run.
1. Math is hard. We cancelled our iFit membership on our Nordictrack, so I had to do manual intervals.
2. Ouch. My right hamstring is tight. Why don’t I stretch more? I have over $100 worth of foam rollers that collect dust. Sigh…
3. Thank heavens I remember body glide on my underarms. It’s my new chafing area. It makes showers very uncomfortable when I forget body glide.
4. I wore new Oiselle Roga shorts. I’m not sure if I like the new style. They made some changes. They crept up my butt a little bit. Also, I ordered my first Oiselle bra and it was too big. I know I’m tiny on top? But do I really need a size 2?
5. Late start is awesome! Because I can eat before I run. I have more time to run. And the doggies (and Tiny Boy) are extra cute.
I really like that my running diary counts the weeks for me. I don’t have to keep track.
I’d like to say that last week was another week of smooth sailing, but it wasn’t. Runner Boy came down with a sinus/ear infection, and Tiny Boy got the flu. Friday was the only day last week that both boys were in school. Thankfully they are both on the mend again. Runner Boy is back to his work outs, although running isn’t super fun for him right now. Being a preteen is rough stuff. Was I this sullen and moody when I was 10 years old?! Mom…don’t answer that.
Despite all of that, I got my workouts in.
Monday, January 29: Rest. Shin exercises.
Tuesday, January 30: 4 mile Easy. 38:22/9:35 pace. Right shin and calf tight.
Wednesday, January 31: 5 mile Easy. 48:30/9:42 pace. Wore calf sleeves during run.
Thursday, February 1: Rest. How is it February already!?
Friday, Feburary 2: 3.5 Fartlek. 33:16/9:30
Saturday, February 3: Rest. Grad school. My brain is tired.
Sunday, February 4: 80 minute Long Run. 9 miles…oops. I like round numbers. 1:27:22/9:42 Downtown Y track. I miss spring/summer/fall.
My shin is definitely on the mend. It didn’t bother me at all Sunday or Monday, but today it’s a little off. I’m staying on top of the PT exercises, foam rolling, and stretching.
Stay neon! And have a great week!